Sonya Taylor MS, NCC, LPC, E-RYT 500
October, 2025
Most of us are taught from a young age the importance of being kind to others. But when are we taught to be kind to ourselves and why do we need to learn this skill?
According to extensive research by Dr. Kristen Neff, self-compassion is strongly associated with higher levels of happiness, curiosity, optimism, and connectedness while also reducing anxiety, depression, fear of failure and rumination. Sounds great right?!
Unfortunately, in our highly competitive society many people fail to feel truly good about themselves. And, how we feel about ourselves, directly impacts our success, satisfaction in relationships, psychological wellbeing, and ability to manage the inevitable challenges of life.
So, how do we learn to be more compassionate with ourselves?
Neff proposes 3 key elements for building self-compassion:
- Self-kindness – Actively being as caring toward ourselves as we are toward friends and loved ones. Instead of being harshly critical, we aim to be supportive, encouraging, and patient with ourselves. We offer ourselves unconditional acceptance even in our challenges and shortcomings, seeking to soothe and comfort whenever we experience hardship.
- Common Humanity – Instead of feeling alone or ashamed of our pain and hardship, we understand that all humans are flawed works in progress and find a sense of interconnectedness in the universal fact that life involves suffering. We embrace that the pain I feel in difficult times is the same pain you feel in difficult times despite the fact that the circumstances and degree of pain may be different.
- Mindfulness – Being with ourselves fully in the present moment, without judgement or avoidance of our pain, allows us to turn toward our experience of suffering and respond to ourselves with the care and kindness we desperately need.
Some tips for exercising self-compassion daily!
Be aware of the ways you may be isolating yourself in this difficult experience and remember that you are not alone. Reach out for support and also remind yourself that all humans struggle and experience pain.
Start noticing how you speak to yourself when things are difficult, uncomfortable, or painful.
Notice if you are getting lost in a story about what is going on or thinking things should be going differently and pause for a few breaths to come back to the moment.
Consider how you would respond to a friend or loved one who was experiencing this emotion or situation. Offer yourself the same kindness and support.
Ready to Cultivate More Self-Compassion?
If you’re curious about deepening your capacity for self-kindness or noticing how self-criticism shows up in your life, working with a compassionate therapist can help you build these skills in meaningful, lasting ways.
At True Mind + Body and The Art of Well-Being, we integrate evidence-based approaches with mindfulness and mind-body practices to help you reconnect with yourself from a place of care and understanding.
Reach out today to schedule a consultation and begin the journey toward greater well-being—from the inside out.
